A Sense of Destiny

A Sense of Destiny

Be kind – Be bold
Shatter any limiting mold
That dearth take hold
Shake awake the ache
As you live wide awake
Putting it all at stake
Coloring all you make
Create for your own sake

Answers found in nature
Hidden wisdom crowned
Where beauty abounds
Strange rhythmic sounds
And quiet gentle pounds
Delightfully hound
Primal hearts ready to be found

This humble dove
Some say – sent from above
Shaking things thereof…
It nests deep inside
Preparing us to be open wide
A most trustworthy guide

What makes you feel a calm strong
While living life’s changing song?
Nothing could ever be wrong
When you’re right where you belong
It’s You the world is waiting for
With oh so much still to explore
See you in prime time
Always encouraging life mastery’s climb

The System

We are more a part of ‘The System’ than one might think. But we created it. ‘The System’ runs us all whether we are aware of it or not. It can’t exist without us, but we can exist without it. We just haven’t all decided upon such freedom yet. Why…? I don’t know. But it runs lives from birth to death – from those running the whole show to those supporting the whole thing from the bottom (the custodial arts, waste management, maintenance, fast food – the dirty jobs!).

And all that useless talk about freedom? HA! The Eagles sung about that down at the Sad Cafe years ago and the Wachowski Brothers wrote their great potrayal in ‘The Matrix.’

Now I don’t believe we are THAT far down the rabbit hole, but we’re definitely in some sort of hole. Artistic expression hasn’t done much to affect change, has it? – or is it just a microscopic needle in a haystack, where 10-trillion needles are needed to create 1/2lb. of movement on the wheel of evolution? Its interesting how people are affected by beautiful art, an inspiring song, or a powerful movie, yet go right back to the grind not knowing how to incorporate such worthy ideas. C’mon people… everyone – just get off the hamster wheel in you mind. I know… its easier telling a wheelchair bound person to just get up and walk! Things can ofter be easier said than done. But just do it, anyway.

Here are some simple basics that might spark some movement:

1. we all need to work positively and expectantly at our craft, whatever that is, to truly contribute – in addition to that paycheck and the things that keep busy (that’s NOT really contributing).
2. we all need to be a part of something – but that ‘something’ should never take on a life of its own – that’s how religion and political parties begin – and group intelligence decreases proportionally to the number of its people who throw themselves in it, without personal lives of their own. It’s a form of social avoidance.
3. we need to share of ourselves, of what we have – the inner richness, to encourage others to find it within themselves to do the same.
4. respect the person, the people, the living things – NOT the images, ideas, institutions, or group thinking, etc.  – they don’t exist without us, yet we give these things more respect than people themselves, without question – what is that, anyway? anything that fears a question of itself is fearful and probably not worthy of much…

Will expound upon these at a later time…. just had to get this out right now. The blog is more of a personal journal for me , an online information base I can access anywhere I need to without losing it. What faith…

We more a part of ‘The System’ than one might think. ‘The System’ runs us. It doesn’t exist without us, but we can exist without it. We just haven’t all decided upon such freedoms yet. Why… I don’t know. But it runs lives from birth to death – even those running the whole show! And all that useless talk about freedom? HA! The Eagles sung about that down at the Sad Cafe years ago and the Wachowski brothers wrote their great potrayal in ‘The Matrix.’

Now I don’t believe we are THAT far down the rabbit hole, but we’re definitely in some sort of hole. Too bad history almost blindly repeats itself.

Here are some (not all of the) simple basics:

we all need to work positively and expectantly at our craft, whatever that is, to truly contribute – not just for a paycheck or to keep busy so we only think we’re doing our civic duty (that’s dangerous and NOT really contributing)

we all need to be a part of something – but that ‘something’ should never take on a life of its own – thats how religion and political parties begin – danger!

we need to share of ourselves, of what we have, to encourage others to find it within themselves to do the same.

respect the person, the people, the living things – NOT the images, ideas, institutions, or group thinking, etc.  – they don’t exist without us, yet we give these things more respect than people themselves, without question! what is that, anyway? anything that fears a question of itself is not worthy of much.

Will expound upon these at a later time…. just had to get it out.

Real Evolution

Maybe one day when human beings finally become comfortable and responsible with the idea of sex, pleasure, and recreation as an outlet for relaxation, enjoyment, and healthy human release without attachment, with mutual respect for others (using our higher brain), without the bounds of ego, power, commerce, and control (like animals), then maybe we can clean up this beautiful place. Until then we will continue to have people taking advantage of one another, we will continue to polarize ourselves from one another. We need some balance… some real evolution.

There’s an old saying, “Behind every successful man, you’ll find a loving, supportive woman.” Has anyone ever bothered to see how this idea gels with the general ‘natural laws,’ not of man (in the patriarchal sense), but of nature? Didn’t think so. If anyone has written about it, I wouldn’t know. I’m too lazy to research what someone else has said. Besides, I have my own thoughts, thank you. Just as valid. Research is overrated.

Nature, in its entire splendor, appears to be quite matriarchal from a certain point of view. I don’t think I need to provide evidence. Nor will I. Look around you – observe how nature works. Why then, have women allowed themselves to be weak, trampled upon, and are just finally beginning to wake up to their rightful places? What’s up with that? Is their storm of balance coming?

Look, I know a confident, strong man is attractive to a woman. A beautiful shapely woman is attractive to a man. But insecure men & women (with certain societal reigns of power) will operate from their puny reptilian brain (the lowest of the 3 brains), totally ignoring any impact given actions might have on the whole. And by the whole, I’m referring to life in general. Barbaric, I know. Wait… what year is it? Evolution – what?

Sex and power are most wonderful things when used for the general good of all – for procreation, consensual recreational healthy fun, for motivation and getting things done. It’s a most fabulous pleasure with great cardiovascular health benefits. It brings to life every cell in the human body! Sex is one of my favorite things! It’s when these things are used to manipulate people unfairly with contempt, intent to control, dominate, and exploit with selfish, greedy intentions. This creates massive dysfunctions that one pays forward whether one is aware of it or not.  I think when you’re ugly, that’s where these dysfunctions operate at full throttle. Beauty is skin deep, right? I digress. But it takes two (or more) to complete the cirle. You can’t have one without the other(s)… evolution – figuring it all out – it just takes a long time. And people always think they’re victims – getting hurt, when in reality the hurt is  onlywithin – its not something being done to anyone. Hurt is an internal personal experience. Where, oh where, have we placed that higher brain we’re supposed to have? I digress again. Just talking about too many things at once. Connected things…

Let’s face it. Man (the male energy) has exploited all things generally speaking, and has raped the matriarch (the female energy) for no other reason, but to obtain raw power and control – for the sake of, “Ooga-booga.” Again, no evidence needed, none provided. It’s general knowledge. Have you seen planet Earth lately?

There is an argument that says these power driven actions without thought have been done for the love of a woman. Blame it on the woman, right? That’s an old one. Old as recorded history itself. So it is the woman’s fault because what makes her happy is getting her man to please their women with displays of power. Bullshit. It’s been done for the sexual attention from the opposite sex in general from both sides. Total low brain activity. Things insecure males and females are most capable of: Ooga-Booga syndrome. What is the cure for this? Create more gay/lesbian people? I don’t know. But I think trends are taking care of themselves through some higher intelligence that couldn’t possibly be God, because… doesn’t God hate gays/lesbians?

I think if humans can in general, learn to balance their own internal male/female energies without fear of losing one’s masculinity or femininity, we could radically change the world.

Now I love people… all of them… the same. It’s just fun. No, they can’t take advantage of me… How is this so? Well, I just choose to because I see myself in everyone I encounter every day. It just happened over time, I guess. Wasn’t always like that. People are doing the best that they can. And sometimes they are in so much unconscious pain that they take it out on you. Everyone just wants to be understood, accepted, and loved. Pretty basic.

So to wrap it up… we live in a dysfunctional world filled with complex issues – total bullshit. We’ve made the world complex because of ulterior motives of greed, sex, and power. The answers are quite simple. A retarded (which just means slow – nothing derogatory) 5 year old could figure it all out! Remember what you were taught in kindergarten? There you go – every answer is there. Does kindergarten breed the likings of socialism or communism? Maybe it does, but is it so bad? Didn’t think so. It’s just common sense – how to treat people. Even that retarded 5 year old could follow a REAL leading example. Words mean very little.

So please… just think before you do things. But don’t think too much. Ask yourself, “How will this action contribute to the whole (myself included even if I were on the other end)?” It’s just that simple. Notice: nothing was economically considered in that question. Bingo!

One more time: Maybe one day when human beings finally become comfortable and responsible with the idea of sex, pleasure, and recreation as an outlet for relaxation, enjoyment, and healthy human release without attachment, with mutual respect for others (using our higher brain), without the bounds of ego, power, commerce, and control (like animals), then maybe we can clean up this beautiful place. Until then we will continue to have people taking advantage of one another, we will continue to polarize ourselves from one another. We need some balance… some real evolution.

Go with the Flow

we come from a place
where all that we need, is
no, nothing is broken
and no one is alone

now its time for our journey
and we’re off to a place
where many get lost
are forgotten, hurt, and alone
off to a place
where pleasure is fleeting
and pain is your friend
it’s a message of hope -
something isn’t working
some-thing needs an end
something new desires to be born

no, nothing here is forever

now just who are you
and why are you here?
where is your home
and what does love mean to you?
why bother to fight
when everyone knows they’re right?

just go with the flow
its an endless show
a contract of time
where feelings always know
that it’s time for you to grow…

but never to worry,
our work is our best friend
and busi-ness brings meaning
often, it’s never enough
so continue we must…
until we understand
the purpose of it all

its all just a game
where everyone’s the same
invent any rule
hide in your name
but your nature…
no, it was never there to tame

all that we learn
and all that we know
when the moment comes
we just gotta let it all go…

life is so beautiful
it’s timely and just
when you can hear its endless song
forever isn’t very long
so just live your life
and do what you must…

now relax…
nobody really gets hurt
its’ all a fleeting, flowing illusion
so, enjoy all you can

I Love Trail Running

So I’m out on another trail run… and by the way, this is where all of my “thoughts from no-where” come from – I guess it’s a meditative state that creeps up after I ignore the mind chatter and begin enjoying the immediate surroundings. The greens, the browns, the humidity and gently breezes, the earthy smells, the absence of everything traffic related, the little creatures that are moving about everywhere as I get my daily dose of physical exercise and mental solitude.

Lets try that again… So I’m out on another trail run… and suddenly I am aware of this meaning of,  “male and female” of all things.  Interesting, it was… Not even sure my words here will adequately explain, but I’ll make the attempt anyway.

From a physical point of view, I believe we all understand the basics of male and female, penis, vagina, yin/yang, etc..  One compliments the other, completing a great circle of general energies of which I’ll dare not try to explain – it just is, period.

Within the human species, we may have more control over these male and female energies than previously thought. Sure we have chromosomes, hormones, secretions, and body parts that define our ‘different-ness,’ but what about the power of thought? Is this gender specific, too? Are we no different than animals, or other ‘under-developed’ mammals?

Regardless of our gender affiliation or personal affinities, perhaps human males and females could BOTH openly express more of the full spectrum of energy that is actually available to us without feeling threatened by the existence of it’s general opposite? But that would take a serious conscious effort of not succumbing to outdated beliefs of what defines male and female. Anything less is quite frankly, both lazy and self limiting at best, if we are what we claim ourselves as a species to be.

The earth (mother earth) has long been thought to be associated with the feminine because of its general receiving, giving, reproducing, and supporting natures. Makes sense. But could there be some overlooked male energies in this ‘mother earth’ that we choose not to see? Volcano crafted mountains, unemotionally attached events we call acts of God…? And what about that molten sack of magma just waiting to erupt and spew forth its seed of new land at the core? Could a mega male energy be at the core, with female energies all around and above, watching over and supporting things?

I say the earth is as equally male as it is female. What a nice example for its ‘rulers’ (humans) to follow. If we could only learn to follow some basic lessons in nature, we might have more general health and harmony here on the skin of this living organism we all directly or indirectly, senseless rape and pillage for general comfort of those who ‘work harder?’ It’s all around us – has been here long before us all, and will absolutely outlive us.

Symbols of success… material things… I guess I just don’t get it yet. I mean… I do get it – the way material things symbolize success – heck I like material things, too. But only a few things. And what I don’t use for 6-12 months, I give away, recycle or get rid of.

But what about the general deterioration of our beautiful home and its creatures with whom we share it with? How can that symbolize any success? That I don’t think I’ll ever understand. Someone please help me with this…

Humans – all of us… not just a few of us: Can we please be responsible for ALL things we do? Reproduction, rearing, teaching, allocation of natural resources, consumption, respect for life (knowing life feeds on life).

In a world where we are somehow only held responsible for hu-man made laws, I’d say we are still barbaric – little to no evolution over the millenia. But we all have the potential to be so much more! Can we consciously start using these brains (we keep saying separates us from the rest of the creepy – crawly things down here) with an equal or greater effort previously used to take from, exploit for the sake of hollow greed, to start healing this beautiful place? I like my home… but its difficult to take care of something when a great number of unruly children (adults without a certain general awareness) don’t give a shit.

I like my trail runs. I enjoy the peace of nature over the business and nauseous fumes of a city. Now how long will it be before I’ll need to bring bottled air with my bottled water? Who’d have thought 25 years ago, we’d be living on bottled water and think twice about drinking from a tap?

Come and Fly With Me

Keeping things Simple…  “Come and Fly With Me”
Feels like a ‘fresh & clean’ melody… I really like this one.

Whats to Come

Just had to capture the feeling right away before it got lost. An inspiration from the other day – What’s to Come. Its a matter of letting go and allowing what wants to be, be freely expressed without judgment. I don’t play guitar, but totally agree with Carlos on the subject – It’s about the feel, what WANTS to be expressed. We are merely the gateway, the messengers…

Secure your foundations. When water (of which we are almost 80%) changes state from liquid to gas… molecular changes in bonds occur – impurities (and people) are left behind as residue. As in the micro, so it is in the macro. If you can’t handle the temperature & pressure over time, you will no longer be in the kitchen (ideal gas laws).

And remember – money is not an element in the periodic table. We made that one up – its not real – we only think it is.

People struggle with change – letting go, going with the flow, or ‘man’ induced change. Nature ALWAYS embraces and moves with change. Change with respect to the whole. Come and Fly with Me – Create change, by changing yourself.

Time Is Not Ours

Has a sound track feel to it – maybe even video game background?

Need some recording software. It’s what’s to come…
The sound quality will get better.

Phantom Passions

So I said (in this post), I’d put up a longer version of this tune. Here it is.

It’s a piece that just flowed from the late nights in the mid 90′s at the Boston Center for Adult Ed [BCAE] -  I’d stay late and close the building on weeknights & play before, during & between classes on the weekends, but not before spending hours at that wonderful baby grand in the Gamble Mansion Library at 5 Commonwealth Ave.

I love this tune… It’s different every time – come to think of it, so is everything I play.
I get bored easy. What’s up with that?

Time to Come Home

When you can face rejection without a sting
Be afraid without giving into fear
And confident without being an ass
Love without attachment
Hate without attachment
When you can respect all things
Observing without relative judgments
Allowing all of life to just be…
You are home

When you are tired
But not weary
When you have lost hope
And still carry on
When you have lost it all
Yet still have everything you need…
You are home

When you are thyself
And have strength
To endure the sting of such fate…
You are home

What has got you all tied up in knots?
What IS so serious in this life, anyway?

When you have every answer
But not need to be right
When you can begin
Without thought of the end…
You are home

When you can love to win
because it means you worked hard
And equally love to lose
because its how you learn to improve …
You are home

It’s your movie
Admission costs all that you are
Everyone gets to be a producer, director, & star
There is no apparent end

The more the drama, the better the movie?
Who knows?
But I’m not sure if I’m home yet…

So, You Want Children?

1. Children learn what they live. Words are cheap, actions speak. Expect them to challenge your double standards, lie, and admit mistakes to the same degree you do. Your example sets the tone for the atmosphere of your home’s environment. If you’re home is a jungle, you’re the zookeeper who allowed it, not them.
2. Play with your children on their level. You’ve been their age before, they haven’t been your age yet… if you do so, you’ll assist in accelerating their growth and help them to be wise in, or even beyond years. It’s easy to do this… just remember your own life, go there in mind, and they’ll always meet you there!
3. Treat children with the same respect you would yourself, a best friend or loved one. They are real people with real feelings, not things you have to inconveniently put up with and only enjoy when YOU are ready to enjoy. What about when they wish to enjoy YOU? If you hit them, it’s your fault, not theirs. You waited too long to address the situation because you just did, no excuse. Yes parenting is hard, but so is being the president, so is being the boss – you should have know the job description before accepting it so blindly. Job still has to get done.
4. Protect your children, but don’t shield them from life. They will get hurt, burned, scraped, and experience failure.  Be there for guidance, support and questions.
5. Don’t bully and boss them around in the name of authority just because you are bigger and have more useless knowledge with which to manipulate them in the name of, “they’re just kids,” or  “they’re just teen-agers.” Wonder if they’ve ever thought, “they’re just being parents.” Again – example is the teacher. One day these things will come back to you in old age with equal care-taking when you begin crapping your pants and crying for attention again. Remember how you met authority? Who were you more apt to listen to and why?
6. Listen to and encourage the amazingly creative ideas and visions of children. They come here without preconceived notions of reality that may not conform to what you’ve been fed to unquestionably believe. If imagination rules the world, tell me who has the market on that.
7. Be careful how you domesticate them. They are not animals to train to do your work. They love to help adults because it gives them validation of being ‘real’ and important. Helping is the highest form of play for a child.
8. Train them consistently with responsibility and open communication. Punishment is ridiculously outdated and belongs to the dark ages. Give them choices and consequences instead and make time to answer questions rationally and respectfully. You’ll be amazed at their intelligence. They might not be able to think as quickly as you can (just yet), so be patient.
9. Children are not toys, dolls, trophies, cash cows, entertainers, worker bees, or insulation from your partner or family… though they often can be. They are really, real people that just happen to be younger than you… watch for those unconscious patterns you continue to carry from your parent(s).
10. With technology ever increasing… you may need children more than you realize for the first time in recorded history. Lower your ego’s defenses for their sakes, and they will respect you more for that, and heeding your advice will be so much easier. Most problems with children are issues with respect for authority because authority doesn’t recognize properly and/or reciprocally.
11. Society plans  retirement, careers, vacations, businesses, cities, etc. – Bring children into this world with love and a plan (please do not NOT have one)  to allow them to develop into themselves, not what you think they should be based on your opinions or what you wish you had done. It’s not all about you now. It’s their turn.  You love them, remember? If you’re not finished with the “about you,” part, maybe parenting should wait awhile. Save the rest of us the eventual societal load.
12. If they speak to or about invisible friends or have dreams/nightmares… don’t pawn it off insensitively as nothing or think there is something wrong with them. It could be that you’re just blind to what they see because you’ve been trained to limit your vision already.
13. Repeat: If you think you can’t do the above things, or have time for it all, then you might seriously consider NOT having children, and instead help a friend, neighbor, or family member with children already here. It is the highest function a human being can perform trumping all perceived work and friendships – treat it with such respect. It takes a community to raise a child anyway… a mother and father is not nearly enough! Parents are only the doorway from which children come… they, just like you, are eventually their own to be.

Treat children with the same respect you would yourself, a best friend or loved one. They are real
people with real feelings, not things you have to inconveniently to put up with and only enjoy
when you are ready to enjoy. If you hit them, it’s your fault, not theirs. You waited too long to
address the situation because you just did. Admit it, be aware, and move on.
Bring children into this world with love and a plan to allow them to develop into themselves, not
what you think they should be based on your opinions or what you wish you had done. It’s not
all about you now. It’s their turn now. If you’re not done the “about you,” part, maybe parenting
should wait.
Listen to and encourage the amazingly creative ideas and visions of children. They come here
without preconceived notions of reality that may not conform to what you’ve been fed to
unquestionably believe. If imagination rules the world, tell me who has the market on that.
Be careful how you domesticate them. They are not animals to train to do your work. They love
to help adults because it gives them validation of being ‘real’ and important. Helping is the
highest form of play for a child.
Train them consistently with responsibility and open communication. Punishment is ridiculously
outdated and belongs to the dark ages. Give them choices and consequences instead and make
time to answer questions rationally and respectfully. You’ll be amazed at their intelligence. They
might not be able to think as quickly as you can. So be patient, because all things will come back
to you in time.
Children are not toys, dolls, trophies, cash cows, entertainers, worker bees, or insulation from
your partner or family… though they often can be. They are really, real people that just happen
to be younger than you… it might help to demolish those unconscious patterns you continue to
carry from your parent(s).
If they speak to or about invisible friends or have dreams/nightmares… don’t pawn it off
insensitively as nothing or think there is something wrong with them. It could be that you’re just
blind to what they see because you’ve been trained to limit your vision already.
Stop bullying them because you are bigger and have more useless knowledge with which to
manipulate them in the name of, “they’re just teen-agers” or “they’re just kids.” Where do you
think they get, “they’re just being parents.” Once again – example is the teacher. One day these
things will come back to you in old age with equal caretaking when you begin crapping your
pants and crying for attention again.
Play with them on their level. You’ve been their age before, they haven’t been your age yet… if
you do so, you’ll assist in accelerating their growth and help them to be wise in, or even beyond
years.
Protect them, but don’t shield them from life. They will get hurt, burned, scraped, and experience
failure. Be there for guidance, support and questions.
Children learn what they live. Words are cheap, actions speak. Expect them to challenge your
double standards, lie, and admit mistakes to the same degree you do. Your example sets the tone
for the atmosphere of your home’s environment. If you’re home is a jungle, you’re the zookeeper
who allowed it, not them.
With technology ever increasing… you may need children more than you realize for the first time
in recorded history. Lower your ego’s defenses for their sakes, and they will respect you more for
that, and heeding your advice will be so much easier. Most problems with children are issues
with respect for authority because authority doesn’t recognize properly and/or reciprocally.
If you think you can’t do the above things, or have time for it all, then you might seriously
consider NOT having children, and instead help a friend for family member with the one’s
already here. It is the highest function a human being can perform trumping all perceived work
and friendships – treat it with such respect. It takes a community to raise a child anyway… a
mother and father is not nearly enough! They’re only the portals from which they come…

Cool Compassion

Here’s what happens when I follow a feeling of which there is no expectation, idea, or plan of an outcome other than a raw intention of genuine expression from the deepest regions of my heart. I was just as surprised in every moment as to which way the music would go. The pauses are a like a purgatory for upcoming musical cues in the moments to come. The tune was inspired by a person’s inability to express themselves to the proper person, where which I became the scapegoat…out of love, with compassion.

Its a matter of letting go and allowing what wants to be, be freely expressed without judgment. I don’t play guitar, but totally agree with Carlos on the subject – It’s about the feel, what WANTS to be expressed. We are only the messengers…

This is the original, unedited musical cut of an earlier posted “A Moment of Compassion” which was only a 1:25 clip.  Just added some funky effects to it with Windows Movie Maker.

Trust

Feel me
From the inside out
I’m bleeding…
It hurts
But something tells me
This is the way

I’m a little scared
Never stretched this much before

My emotions
They boil away the fear
None can resist
No not even I

Get back to simplicity
Appreciate all that is
Watch the moment come alive
Welcome back to eternity
It never was that far away

Unfrozen in time
I feel the skies open
Imparting all its mystery
Into my soul

Forever rests
I’m alive again
This is just the beginning
Once more…

9/24/03

I’m a little scared

Never stretched this much before

Feel me

From the inside out

I’m bleeding…

It hurts

But something tells me

It is the way

My emotions

They boil away the fear

None can resist

No not even I

Get back to simplicity

Appreciate all that is

Watch the moment come alive

Welcome to eternity

It never was that far

I feel the skies open

Imparting all mystery

Into my soul

I’m frozen in time

Forever rests

I’m alive again

This is just the beginning

Once more…

Lay It On the Line

If I were to die unexpectedly,
These would be my parting thoughts:

I would want everyone to know everything is ok
I’m fine; please don’t worry, I’m happy
I’ve enjoyed the experience
I’ll be back soon, if I choose
Let the children know I love them all
My family and my friends were always my greatest treasure
Teaching me things beyond words.

Everything I have done really wasn’t for me
It was for all of you first, and THAT was for me
I loved pouring myself out
It was the reason I came
I needed it, but so did you.
I loved everyone I’ve ever known, truly…
even the “bad ones”
There are no winners; there are no losers
There are no sinners; there are no saints
We’re all on the same team
Forgive yourself; it’s all right, it’s only a mistake
Mistakes are just that; mis-takes
No failure, just feedback

Express yourself,
If you can’t….learn to…
Risk exposing your true feelings
Invest constantly in your own personal stock
It’s the only thing with rising eternal dividends
You can draw on them at any time, and there is no penalty
Always put yourself on hold when another needs you
Care for yourself when you have time….
BUT….
Make the time to have time to care for yourself….first

Everything is perfect
Even in it’s perceived imperfection
No-thing can ever truly hurt you,
Though you may feel hurt
Healing begins immediately….it encompasses  you every time
The end is just the beginning

Tell people today how you feel about them,
Never wait for tomorrow,
Feel yourself begin to heal,
Do it again, soon….

Be yourself, but first… find out what that is
Research and statistics mean nothing,
Just as the past does not equal the present
Information changes during your research
Wake up, dumb-ass!

It’s just as healthy to cry as it is to laugh
They both release e-motion (energy in motion)
Don’t keep it to yourself, tell someone you trust
Bare everything and you feel weightless
You will learn to fly

Drop your religion
You don’t need it, you only think you do
Trust me, it doesn’t hurt and you won’t be lost
In fact, you’ll find quite a surprise!
Your creator isn’t that insecure
Live outside your parenthesis for a change.

Give everything you have and you’ll have everything to give
The answers plead you to slow down and hear them
Don’t ever work, find some good play

I’m just like you
You’re just like me
We’re all the same
We just vary in degrees
All headed in the same direction, eventually
There is no right and no wrong
You have only bought into the notion that there is such

To hate is to deny yourself of feeling love

You don’t NEED any-thing
Stop buying so much new stuff
Shut off your TV, Read… think…write… visit

Proclaimed leaders and politicians,
They’re often far away from all they profess
They ride the caboose of the evolution express
Some are a few stops behind
The scoffed at visionaries and artists have always been
And always will be the unappreciated and overlooked leaders

Children love the feeling of any adventure
Be a child again…
And then maybe look at yourself in the mirror
Know its only your human suit clothing the real you
But you ARE beautiful, and yes, someone loves you JUST the way you are.

Keep changing, it is natural
Forgive other people that seem to wrong you
They didn’t mean it, really!
They did it because they were hurt… possibly more than you’ll ever know.

Don’t censor anything
Those things won’t damage you
Stop f***ing lying
All bullshit stinks
Walk around the house nude for awhile
Go for a long hike, naked. You’ll see.

Your children understand more than you give them credit for
In fact they know more ….of the important things
You just think you know more because you know more of the silly, useless, unimportant things.

Quit misleading them
Stop yelling at them
Don’t put them off for your selfish conveniences
You brought them here, help them grow
Be fair to them, they aren’t your f**ing toys
They have feelings just like you!
Yes, you can understand them
Just remember your own youth
Make believe if you have to….it’ll come to you, really it will

I could be wrong about all of this, But I doubt it….

If I were to die unexpectedly,

These would be my parting thoughts:

I would want everyone to know everything is ok

I’m fine; please don’t worry, I’m happy

I’ve enjoyed the experience

I’ll be back soon, if I choose

Let the children know I love them all

My family and my friends were always my greatest treasure

Teaching me things beyond words.

Everything I have done really wasn’t for me

It was for all of you first, and THAT was for me

I loved pouring myself out

It was the reason I came

I needed it, but so did you.

I loved everyone I’ve ever known, truly…
even the “bad ones”

There are no winners; there are no losers

There are no sinners; there are no saints

We’re all on the same team

Forgive yourself; it’s all right, it’s only a mistake

Mistakes are just that; mis-takes

No failure, just feedback

Express yourself,

If you can’t….learn to…

Risk exposing your true feelings

Invest constantly in your own personal stock

It’s the only thing with rising eternal dividends

You can draw on them at any time, and there is no penalty

Always put yourself on hold when another needs you

Care for yourself when you have time….

BUT….

Make the time to have time to care for yourself….first

Everything is perfect

Even in it’s perceived imperfection

No-thing can ever truly hurt you,

Though you may feel hurt

Healing begins immediately….it encompasses  you every time

The end is just the beginning

Tell people today how you feel about them,
Never wait for tomorrow,

Feel yourself begin to heal,

Do it again, soon….

Be yourself, but first… find out what that is

Research and statistics mean nothing,

Just as the past does not equal the present

Information changes during your research

Wake up, dumb-ass!

It’s just as healthy to cry as it is to laugh

They both release e-motion (energy in motion)

Don’t keep it to yourself, tell someone you trust

Bare everything and you feel weightless

You will learn to fly

Drop your religion

You don’t need it, you only think you do

Trust me, it doesn’t hurt and you won’t be lost

In fact, you’ll find quite a surprise!

Your creator isn’t that insecure

Live outside your parenthesis for a change.

Give everything you have and you’ll have everything to give

The answers plead you to slow down and hear them

Don’t ever work, find some good play

I’m just like you

You’re just like me

We’re all the same

We just vary in degrees

All headed in the same direction, eventually

There is no right and no wrong

You have only bought into the notion that there is such

To hate is to deny yourself of feeling love

You don’t NEED any-thing

Stop buying so much new stuff

Shut off your TV, Read… think…write… visit

Proclaimed leaders and politicians,

They’re often far away from all they profess

They ride the caboose of the evolution express

Some are a few stops behind

The scoffed at visionaries and artists have always been

And always will be the unappreciated and overlooked leaders

Children love the feeling of any adventure

Be a child again…

And then maybe look at yourself in the mirror

Know its only your human suit clothing the real you

But you ARE beautiful, and yes, someone loves you JUST the way you are.

Keep changing, it is natural

Forgive other people that seem to wrong you

They didn’t mean it, really!

They did it because they were hurt… possibly more than you’ll ever know.

Don’t censor anything

Those things won’t damage you

Stop f***ing lying

All bullshit stinks

Walk around the house nude for awhile

Go for a long hike, naked. You’ll see.

Your children understand more than you give them credit for

In fact they know more ….of the important things

You just think you know more because you know more of the silly, useless, unimportant things.

Quit misleading them

Stop yelling at them

Don’t put them off for your selfish conveniences

You brought them here, help them grow

Be fair to them, they aren’t your f**ing toys

They have feelings just like you!

Yes, you can understand them

Just remember your own youth

Make believe if you have to….it’ll come to you, really it will

I could be wrong about all of this, But I doubt it….

It’s All I Can Do

Just a feeling today… had to lay it down, totally raw…

Maybe I do this because a finished product is what people look for or want without actually having the chance to witness or even appreciate the progression of things from its shaky conception. We’re all the same on the inside. And all things have this process. It just appears to be the process of life itself. I like it.

…AND – the labor of love one puts into a passion may appear to be lots of work from a certain point of view, but its anything but.

Secret Passion

Secret passion…

It’s a piece that just flowed from the late nights at the Boston Center for Adult Ed [BCAE] -  I’d stay late and close the building on weeknights & play before, during & between classes on the weekends, but not before spending hours at that wonderful baby grand in the Gamble Mansion Library at 5 Commonwealth Ave.

I love this tune… I’ll have to get a longer version of it up here.  It’s different every time – come to think of it, so is everything I play. I get bored easy.

Playing with the Spider

I know why I love spiders!

Spiders create out of thin air in any space, at any time, from all angles… with total trust & abandon, then rest, waiting to reap the hopeful rewards of their instinctual labors. If they get washed out, are threatened, or sense danger, they play dead. And after a period of motionless patience, while accepting death at all times as it may come, they then come right back and spring back to their tireless work. Sensitive creatures they are… spiders can easily sense all activity connected to their web! They feel vibrations… and act accordingly.

Playing with this spider song again today… Still unfinished, but thought I’d explore some options – its different every time I play.  I think the exploring, creating phase is the best. Its where you get to get lost in whatever wants to play out… its heard/felt only milliseconds before – and then you try to match it. Making it into something people will enjoy due their short attention spans, is the challenge. It has to fit certain inflections, twists, and turns people want to instinctively experience… keep ‘em guessing which way the roller coaster wants to go.

Honesty

tell me of your fears inside,
tell me why,
you run and hide.

share with me your honesty
your hidden truths untold.

for years i’ve been waiting
in worlds full of hating
where forever is an only end.
hello loneliness,
you’ve always been a best friend.

buried at the bottom
of an untapped soul,
trapped and silent
how do i let it all go?
how do i open windows
to the beautiful music in my soul?
how do i tell the world
of things far beyond pressed coal?

when everything’s
never enough,
and everywhere
feels like nowhere…

there must be
something new,
I need to do.

standing here naked,
i look at myself,
i’m all i’ll ever be.
now nothing can hold me,
cuz finally,
i’m free to just be me.

Bending Emotion…

Just another little groove recorded on the fly and edited quickly…  seemed like ‘bending emotion’

A Moment of Compassion

A moment of inspiration & compassion… (01/25/2010)
It has a native American feel to it…

I feel so alive when creating. Never know how or even when its going to come out. I’ll be experiencing more of these spontaneous moments since I’ve decided to let go.

The Eagle’s Flight

It was early morning 9/19/09, my folk’s 50th Anniversary – I woke up with a feeling. I love the way inspiration pleasantly catches you off guard. I wonder if this tune has anything to do with coming to terms with the ‘Escape’ from myself and owning the limitations I’d placed upon myself regarding my place within the Beliveau tribe… only after first blaming others for years, because I couldn’t solicit the communication with them I needed to resolve things. Can’t control people if they don’t want to talk. Sometimes one just has to deal with it, accept its unresolved nature, and move on anyway… with or without. Makes one quite resilient and accepting over time.

Decided to record for the first time, a spur of the moment inspiration without any real thought as to how it would come out. Not the best of recordings but… laid down some chords in the memory for the first time and then played a melody with a programmed rhythm on a Yamaha YGP-625 – a gift from some caring people (I thought otherwise at the time because of a lens of misperception) who know who they are, that just seemed to spin itself effortlessly out of nowhere. Had a lot of fun doing this and was surprised at how it flowed together.

What the New World Woman Wants

It was a pleasant second date in the making. A walk/run on the beach, fun with the dog, followed by some much needed kick-back time and refreshment at the cozy & comfortable beach cafe. Time spent before the upcoming and mutually decided upon, in town, late afternoon movie.

During some continued soul-ice-breaking conversation, this totally enamored and confident man asked a beautiful and desirable, time stopping woman he was gently pursuing this one simple question:

‘So… just what kind of man ARE you looking for?’

She sat quietly for a moment, pausing to secretly read his body language during the moments of silence strategically placed before looking him straight in the eye. She asked, ‘Do you… really want to know?‘

The worthy man cleared his throat with refined posture, and answered her respectfully. ‘Sure, I’d love to know.’

This new world woman let it all out with such a pleasant disposition and a beautifully calculated approach:

‘As a single woman in this ever changing, fast paced, society, I am in the wonderfully unique position to ask any man what HE can do for ME… that I can’t already DO for myself.’

‘I pay my own bills on time, save money and plan for retirement. I take care of my household without the help of any man…  or woman for that matter. I enjoy my time with friends and family, have wonderful male and female friends, and live an already fulfilling life. Life is good. But I desire more. I desire connection on as many levels as humanly possible with a worthy man of my dreams.’

The man looked at her plainly. He silently wondered if she might be tactfully eluding to some stereotypical financial need a woman has been trained to look for in her man from past generations… or maybe she is the painfully desperate, hurt woman looking for a suitable daddy replacement to tell her how wonderful she really is because daddy never took the time to – which lead to a series of massively horrible relationships.

His gears were turning. Is she a well cloaked damsel in distress looking for her knight in shining armor? A man should fulfill his ‘obligation,’ and a woman should quietly fulfill hers as well, he thought. A perfect union. Archaic, but nevertheless perfect from a some certain point of view.

She quickly intuited and corrected his thought. ‘I am not referring to money or financial security. I need something more. I need a man who, like me,  is striving for excellence in every aspect of life. Someone who is willing to face the future with a bold, new outlook. Someone who can see me as an equal force creating a true teammate partnership to lead the pack.’

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, smiled coyly, and listened…

She continued. ‘I need someone who is striving for excellence physically, mentally, and spiritually. I desire a healthy man. A man who can carry on worthwhile, intelligent conversation and join me in some engaging mental stimulation. I desire something beyond the simple, hygiene challengd, sports minded, buddy-loving, fart farming, buh-rah, kind of man who needs a mother to look after him. I need to be equally yoked. I’m looking for a partner with some similar core values and a balanced nature. Not some overly sensitive, feminine man, like the typical uncomfortable man might argue and think I’m seeking , but a truly strong, confident, teammate who can take charge and feel comfortable with a woman who is just a strong. Some kind of a new man. A change from all of the typical societal points of view.’

‘I think men have been given just as much of a raw deal as women have when in comes to stereotyping. Expectations laid upon men are just as unfair as the ones imposed on us women. Men should be strong, in charge, and rescue damsels, like the proverbial knight in shining armor, and women should be rescued from some pitiful, unhappy life and loved till kingdom come. What a ridiculously impossible fairytale it is for both of us.’

‘I need someone who is sensitive enough to not necessarily understand what I go through as a woman, but someone who won’t dismiss how I feel with stereotypical responses. A man strong enough to keep himself grounded, can carry onward regardless, and not be so moved by what he can’t understand. Someone not so easily affected by woman things. Someone truly secure with himself who can show some compassion and strength in character.’

‘I need someone who has integrity in relationship. Game playing, general issue avoiding, appeasement with lies & manipulation, and an inability to communicate are not my idea of a strong man. It’s just a wall to hide behind so he doesn’t have to grow as a human being.’

‘Oh, I also need a man who is family-oriented. Not a whipped bitch I can order around like a puppy, but someone whom I can respect. In order to be sensual and submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business or not willing to accept any responsibility. I really have no problem being submissive… I enjoy it!  He just has to be worthy of my total trust first.’

‘And by the way, I am not necessarily ‘looking’ for him. He will find me, and we’ll find each other. He will recognize himself in me and vice versa.  He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will be drawn to me, and I to him. A woman can be a wonderfully loving, supporting, fantastically fantasy feeding & pleasing playmate, help-mate, and soul-mate for the right man. I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself though, first.’

When finished, she looked at him with a most honest and revealing smile. She sat back in her chair and sipped on her beverage.

He sat there with a most puzzled and curious look on his face. He said, ‘You… are asking a lot.’

She replied, ‘I’m worth a lot… and I’m hoping you can handle someone like me. Someone who expects to be treated as an equal, without your feeling like less of a man because of my apparently healthy position’

A few wave cycles crashed in the distance and the wind blew gently across the table.

He replied, ‘I’ve been wondering all my life if there could be a woman out there who doesn’t needlessly feel she has to overpower a man or use the standard ‘womanly wiles’ to command a certain respect.’

Perhaps the sexes might finally come to balance. From many points of view, this is still a man’s world. But maybe the women have allowed it just as much as the men.  And with it being a man’s world, how much real progress (outside of the typical usage of the word) have we all made? Not much, really… just more fighting and disrespect for the ‘mother’ earth we all live on.  Now there is an example of patience.

Challenge Rigid Awareness

Regarding human stewardship of this gorgeous planet we call home, here are some thoughts that will surely need more clarity and organization. I’m hopeful that we can all lighten up and get a little serious with our potential and active creative abilities as human beings. Creation without conscious responsibility, mixed with exponential growth rates on a planet with limited space and resources can have massive unforeseen consequences for the entire system when carelessly left unchecked. We are mere parasites on an extremely patient and forgiving host. But even patience has its limits. We have infinite creative power within us all to change things for the better… Can we start today?

When there are too many of any non-human species procreating, is it a concern to the human family because of some unwritten law regarding general infringement on our way of life? Surely, there must be a point of critical mass of a theoretical undetermined number of humans, where when managed under the current systems, falls apart having serious diminishing returns that affects every living thing under the sun. Is this something we could as humans actually measure? Or do we even care, except when it comes to those species infringing on our ‘rights’ to this planet?

We act as if we are the most important species ever created or that ever existed. We arrogantly profess to know the effect it has on the whole, yet continue to selfishly elevate our human interests without respectful regard to other species. Now if we are a highly evolved species with the relatively large cerebral cortex driven brains, shouldn’t our learned ‘management’ skills for wild life and other species control pertain to our own species as well, first and foremost?

We do understand the dependency we all have on each other, don’t we? Probably not, because like your boss (and most tunnel-visioned tyrants), the rules don’t apply to the those making them. This is an [Un]Acceptable human condition.

More and more humans. More, more, more. We just keep right on multiplying without a thought for REAL repercussions… and people wonder why life in general, here on earth continues to change with drastically (whether or not we care to become aware of it is another topic).

Challenge Rigid Awareness.

Yes, people do die everyday, but it appears we humans do grow at a non-linear, nearly exponential rate. If you’ve seen the Blockbuster movie, “The Matrix,” you may be aware that the movie raised a most valid point: That we humans have behavior like that of a virus. I guess the world just might be a big mirror. And as in the macro… so it is in the micro and vice versa. One big endless circle perpetuating itself for some game of self-awareness.

With more of our species, there are more needs to be met. More is consumed. There are more mouths to feed, more waste to process. There is more information to disseminate, more people to ‘educate,’ or rather, more children to domesticate. There are more elderly needing non-environmentally friendly pharmaceuticals to keep them alive longer because the medical profession thinks keeping people alive is of the utmost importance. In this process, we kill ourselves in piles of human shit. But we really need to ‘manage nature,’ don’t we? Because nature isn’t intelligent enough maybe? Go figure. It appears we are not considered a part of nature. Humans are above such things. [Un]Acceptable human nature.

Challenge Rigid Awareness.

Traffic has increased. The number of TV channels, cellphones, calling plans, and websites you can surf has increased. The number of brands of anything sold and consumed has increased. The number of kids in SPED programs has increased. The number of hours worked by the average American and illegal migrant worker has increased. The price of time has even increased (for qualified participants in the upper [mostly white] crust of nepotistic society – can’t leave them out, can we?).

The number of retiring baby boomers has increased and will continue to do so. The number of average Americans and migrant workers working for peanuts (relative to the money makers) here in America has increased. The number of apparent idiots making babies that can’t adequately be looked after and raised in a healthy manner has increased. The number of controlling religious zealots around the world has increased. The number of people in serious financial crisis/debt has increased. So, its quite safe to say that in general, virtually everything under the human sun has increased.

Oh wait. But the average pay for the American worker has decreased. The number of happy marriages has decreased (except for those lying of course). The number of truly healthy people has decreased (except for those being wonderfully healed by ‘better than nature’s way’ genius pharmaceuticals). The number of non-human species has decreased. The number of hours in a day also, has apparently decreased.

Do we need another ridiculously, over-ridonculous study to officially validate all of this because most will only believe allowed, presented facts that come with extra letters after a person’s name because  society thinks that they are reliable sources?

Does the ability to think and speak make one intelligent (thank you Qui-Gon-Jinn)? Maybe determining that would be a worthwhile study. I think getting letters after one’s name is just another way to say, “I helped the economy, THIIISSS much.” A spider manages eight appendages with precision and can spins webs of incredible tensile strength from birth, without training, and can do so at any height or angle. That… to me is intelligence. Can you do that? In the dark?

Correlation. It’s easy to correlate anything, isn’t it? In fact, its easiest when there is gobs of corporate cash funding it. Where are those letters after your name to make the unthinking sheep believe? Put it in writing, with college degrees at the end, and ignorant people follow blindly. No need to do homework. It’s already been done by someone who like to do homework. After all, manipulated facts are intriguing, aren’t they? The manner in which facts are presented to bend awareness can be done by anyone with a small brain. Living things create illusions to trap other living things for survival of the fittest. Life feeds on life.

Challenge Rigid Awareness.

Our own kind are killing us. They’re telling us what to do, how to live, what is right, what is wrong, which illusion to believe in. Do we have a vaccine for that yet? Yeah, its called not giving a rat’s ass what anyone thinks you should believe. The coming generations will continue to lead this revolution. Watch and see. Every generation since Elvis has been increasingly pushing the envelope of human expression. I have no proof of this of course, but I’m not looking for any validation here, either. So there will be no funded study.

I am 100% for education and learning. But if we are going to educate, lets do more than pontificate facts to merely be spit back on a test for a letter grade or expound in essay form what a professor agrees with. What about understanding and awareness? Can that be taught? Social awareness, freedom, how to get along with others (and freedom), the understanding of how nature really works, and where we fit in… these things that are generally lacking in our society always take a back seat to what keeps “The Machine” of human consumption & growth going. Money makes the world go around. Will everything have to collapse on us before we wake up to the built-in error of everything that runs our society? Perhaps… and it is coming if we don’t alter the course. It has to. Just crank out the numbers – but with respect to the whole, not just to a highly influenced, targeted & desired outcome to benefit financial profitability.

Challenge Rigid Awareness.

If sex (sexual expression) sells everything, and its what everyone wants whether conscious or unconscious (c’mon, lets get real, you know you do), then why don’t we just give into it… both men and women? Teach the beauty and joys of sex responsibly outside of reproduction. It has other purposes – you know, like making people feel happy naturally. It would virtually and singlehandedly end our societal craziness and remove power from the powers that control us all. Sex is wonderful… and produces an ecstatic feeling in every cell it seems, in the human body… when not controlled by ridiculous religious bullshit. You know, like those gay catholic priests, or cheating tele-evangelists and politicians. Why do people actually listen? I can only speak for myself, because I once did believe in these overly embellished fairy tales. I was ignorant and afraid to question what I had been programmed to believe. How about you?

Challenge Rigid Awareness.

People who understand the grand scheme of life aren’t fearful. People who need to fight to defend are really afraid of death, aren’t they? And it doesn’t need to be only physical death. People who defend beliefs are afraid of the death of their beliefs. Let go already.

What do you do with those who won’t fight? Those who won’t blindly listen to orders barked because they are not owned by governmental gangsters (national armies)? Kill them? Oh… that’s genius. If those who liked to fight killed those who didn’t want to fight, wouldn’t that leave behind all the fighters… who in turn would kill each other because they like to fight? Do the math and let it all go.

How bout we get rid of laws or scrap the old constitution, and begin to incorporate “situational ethics?” C’mon you know what that is, don’t you? It’s merely doing the right thing, at the right time, with sincerity of purpose for the highest outcome of all concerned. No lawyers, politicians, religious leaders, or policemen, just honest human beings. Oh my… what will the unthinking sheep do now? Yes, they’ll have to think for themselves, let alone for the higher good of all. Is this even possible?

Challenge Rigid Awareness.

Leaders are actually the biggest of followers. Artists are the real leaders. Thinkers are the real leaders. You know… the ones that society kills off in anger, the odd balls, not accepted, misunderstood,etc..  Yea, we need them, else we wouldn’t be where we all are today… wherever that is. It’s the ‘leader’s we could do without. They suck (literally – the rest of us, dry!), period.

Challenge Rigid Awareness.

I say ask the kindergartners. They’ll know so much more than anyone on solving world problems. And some of them are still wetting their beds! Go figure.

Care to doubt this would you? Try asking them the simple questions like:

• Who are you?  What are you doing here?
• What should we do about world hunger?
• What do we do about mean, bad people?
• What do we do with selfish bullies?
• What do we do when someone is hurting? (regardless of whether or not they are family)
• What is it like to be happy?
• Why do you think people fight? Can we stop fighting?

Genius thinking does not require anything but honesty, sincerity, clarity, and genuineness, period. Everything else is just bullshit, smoke, and mirrors.

I look forward to the day when the english language is massacred by simplicity and efficiency. The coming generations will handle that one. Trust me, its coming. Shorthand texting could be the new language. Oh, you don’t understand it?  Too bad. Now its your turn to be stupid and left out.

What is this all based upon? An unspoken law that I feel needs no proof – it’s quite evident: “Every generation must wait for the previous ones to die off before it’s general views are widely accepted.”  Thank you John Mayer for finally putting these thoughts to great music! Obviously, Mr. Mayer ‘gets it,’ too!

Challenge Rigid Awareness, before it begins to challenge you… 

Oh, there is so much needed change on this planet. But tackling the issues (at their core) will require some seriously unpopular decision making with action. Eating the elephant is done one bite at a time and not all bites are tasty.

Deteriorating Elders

Had a few uncomfortable thoughts today while visiting a beautiful, clean nursing home. I wasn’t all that pleased with my thoughts, but I did have them. So here goes:

Old people. Not just old people, but old, deteriorating, unaware, unruly old people. Yes, many with childlike smiling faces and bright eyes. They all smell like pee! Terrible thing to say I know, but I know that smell all too well. I watched my grandmother live in a depressed, terrible state for years – she always smelled like pee – and didn’t even care! I wet my bed long after the bed wetting years – its awful. How dare my mother tell me I wet my bed to get back at her! If I wanted to get back at her I would have climbed into HER bed and wet THAT bed and not my own!  Yeesh! Ever lay in that stuff? First it’s warm, but quickly gets chilly and stinky. Ok, that’s a story for another time.

they make business out of keeping me alive to eat, sleep, watch TV, yell, scream & poop.

Wheelchairs, souped-up whirring, 4×4 mobile contraptions with stair climbing abilities and retracting grabbing arms. When the next generations become nursing home bound, will they have built in mobile devices, laptops or gaming systems attached to wheel chairs and beds? What’s going to keep them happily unaware of peeing & pooping their pants? It’ll be the new all-out drooling, awake all the time, online gaming community in hospitable beds. I digress.

If maternity wards are for bridging the gap between birth and life for babies, are nursing homes bridging the gap between life and death? And if so, is it a dignified quality life for the unaware, “whoever they think they might be,” today?

There must be millions of dying people all over who have already lived full lives, now just eating, excreting, trying to sleep, and giving nurses and maids some of the toughest jobs, filled with lessons in patience and anger management for a relatively small wage. Big money to be made though, I know… One person’s plight is another’s opportunity, right?

And how much of a draw might this be on the environment? Is it a green issue (certainly is  a yellow & brown one, isn’t it)? I don’t think I even need to mention the health care and insurance issues here. Such a waste of resources. Why do we prolong the exit of life in such fashion and without dignity? We need to question things every now and then. Its called evolution. Apparently nobody wants to do it.

Now seriously, think about it. Would a good farmer keep old sick cattle? Would this same farmer not prune fruit trees and be satisfied with tiny, weak flavored fruit for his labors? I think not. Well, wait a minute, if there were a way to profit from it, surely he’d be doing it.

Yes, I am totally saying we could use to prune the human race. There I’ve said it! A little Hitler-ish I know, but come on! If I ever become unaware of myself and my bodily functions, become unruly and defiant (like the infant state) and I’m approaching the exit of life, give me the needle and send me to sleep silently – yesterday! It would be the best thing for the whole! Myself, my family, and all of society.

There should be no fear of death. If there is a fear of death, then perhaps its really just a long drawn out misplaced fear of life in general prolonging itself, imposing itself unfairly on others. Some might call these fearful human flesh bags vampires – preying on the life forces of the compassionate, kind folks. Hey, compassionate, kinds folks – wake up and let the vampires starve!

Time to manage ourselves!

I’m hoping that one day when we are finished managing the ducks, mosquitoes, the deer population, and crab apple trees, perhaps we might turn that wisdom back on ourselves. What makes us so impervious to self-management? Aren’t humans the cause for most of the mess on this planet? How about a little responsibility for a change?

I think its time for us all to realize that just because we have this amazing ability to think (occasionally) and speak (too much), it does not necessarily make us all that intelligent. We still haven’t learned to spin webs of silky material that sticks to anything immediately after birth while managing 6-8 appendages efficiently without a lesson, or change our beautiful colors to match any environment, find our way home from the middle of the ocean without gps or the coast guard. When we get to that point, I’ll feel we are finally evolving in at least some positive direction. Right now, this human race of educated idiots is still quite busy trying to figure out how it’s brain works, and trying to determine with half-witted rationale, just who the hell we are without killing ourselves with first with technology. When technology surpasses certain indeterminate levels of compassion , it becomes a dangerous weapon in the hands of babies (playing with dangerous power tools).

Is it possible that we are so afraid to actually use our brains WITH our hearts and make tough, logical, long-term, loving decisions that benefit the whole (all living things included)? We are always… only as strong as our weakest link(s).

People should have the right to live, people should also have the right to not live as well. Euthanasia needs a come back. Just who is the government or any religious belief system to demand that anyone needs to stick around when it just makes no logical sense whatsoever, for anyone? Doesn’t look like much thought was put into this one. Just a bunch of voodoo hocus pocus-ly, outdated, terribly thought out, laws and beliefs ripe and in need for a compassionately intelligent update.

Freedom. Yes, it’s valuable. No one should have to fight for this one.

And as a general rule (and another blog to come), isn’t fighting (attacking) usually an indication of mental and spiritual weakness that exposes frustration? An inability to communicate, exercise patience, understanding, and to show mutual respect  for another? 

To Be Happy…

For most of my life I’ve followed what others have had to say and think about my life, never trusting my own voice, and constantly doubting my abilities and purpose. Just a victim of a faulty operating system I guess – good thing those days are over.

This state of living has led me to become so many different people throughout the years of my life. Kinda cool, but then, not so cool. My inherent sensitivities appear to have taken on the energies of those around me time and again because of some ridiculous identity crisis – and like a chameleon my colors changed with my environment, often drastically.

I’ve spent more time than I care to mention in so many diverse environments:  The mundane, stupid, intelligent, the wealthy, the popular, the nerdy, the dirt poor, the homeless, the crazy, the outcasts, the religious, the angry, the lonely, the vain, etc..

Looking back on my general behavior and mindset just a few short years ago, I clearly see that I was an unstable mess, a disaster waiting to happen. Guess it could happen to anybody. I was experiencing incredible pain, anger, resentment, rage, and instability, and to top it off, my “Christian” family, those being my blood brothers and sisters, abandoned me (instead of helping?), because they weren’t operating with proper information.  But that’s because they had no idea what they were doing. I forgive them.  Life had given me a raw deal, I guess.  Oh, this gives me so much to banter about. I’ve lots of patience, but little patience for hypocrites. I’m so tired of people hiding behind religious dogma thinking they’re holy. Oh, so many church stories to tell. Looks like its always up to me to be the strong one. It’s just my lot in life. People aren’t really out to hurt people, they’re just blindly protecting their own wounds, and in that, its how people get hurt.

I’ve come to believe that regardless of any particular belief, in every moment, there are grand, inexplicable forces of assistance I’ll dare not describe, constantly reaching out to us, showing us how to reach a potential higher ground. We just have to be willing to do whatever it takes to escape from pain when we’ve had enough. Everything happens for a reason and is always for a benefit, if one can keep the attitude. We always get what we can see and focus upon. Some things need no proof, this is one of those things.

Sometimes we have to do what we DON’T like to figure out just what it is we do like. And it has taken me a while to come to this. I’ve found what makes me happy, why I’m here, what gets me out of bed in the morning. I am not an engineer like I thought I might be, I am not a worldly businessperson like I thought I’d be. I am an artist (and a genuine connector of people). A sentimental artist painting with words, framing life experience with music. I love to express myself with music that shows up when I least expect it. I love to make simple sense of life’s intricate complications; to soften the harsh rules we all place on ourselves; to lighten the load and poke fun at consensus reality.

Humans: I love the shit out of them. They’re beautifully insane, though collectively sane through their own paths of thought and associations with others of the same cloth. Sounds like a tribe thing to me. Are we coming full circle in our “civilization?”

I am quite glad to be happily exactly where I need to be now – always at the right place at precisely the right time. The abundance of the universe with it’s infinite possibilities supplies me with everything I need in every moment. And life is nothing more than a succession of continual unfolding of moments we could call, “right now.”

If the universe is expanding in all directions without limit, then mathematically, we would all theoretically be at the center. Pretty cool thought, I think. God Bless Me. But not that God people often blindly refer to. I have my own idea of what god is, thank you. 

The Artist

humanity is so alone
on the inside at least.

no one hears the cries,
between those endearing lies,
we’re all building a crazy beast.

“hey world around me,
look at me,
and notice me,
i’m wonderful, i think.”

“somebody please notice,
i’m so near the edge,
can’t you see?
cuz I just can’t seem
to see myself anymore.”

living the life of an artist,
its real power to heal the world
expressing all things,
less the fear & inhibition.

holding back nothing,
and risking everything,
expressing the humanity ignored,
bringing light to every shadow,
making space for heaven on earth.

wanting nothing but endless love
and only to be heard,
saying things for you
you don’t even know you’d want to say.
but as soon as you hear,
you’d swear your life is already known.

the artist is happy to express,
a real and fearless leader,
any world will always need.

An Escape

I don’t know why,
but its easier
to get by
the less we try

Inside your eyes
and all about your face
I see a trace
of an untangling grace
where passion cries
for breathing space

Faith is the key
to your empty cell
but for now
its a living hell
desperately in need
with so much to tell

Listen to the voice
in the middle of the night
in the quiet of the darkness
comes the clarity of choice
it knows of angels’ flight
and the power of stored might

From a house full of empty
shattered dreams were plenty
but you were born to find escape
while fearful souls blindly raped
the goodness that you are

Now go head and trust,
give up the needless fight,
everything’s gonna be alright
you’ve made it thru the dark night.

The Child Manual Outline

Your child’s handbook that you swear doesn’t exist.
Those days are over… now it does:

"Now YOU listen to ME... because I'm bigger than YOU and know so much more than you! Remember, though against the law, and merely a cheap fear tactic I easily use to get you to do whatever I need quite easily, I brought you here, I can take you out! Got that?"

Contrary to an unspoken popular opinion throughout human existence, children are REAL PEOPLE with REAL feelings, REAL thoughts, REAL ideas, REAL challenges, REAL creative ability, and REAL valuable input. They just happen to be growing inside of little people suits. Do not underestimate them. Ignoring them without reason makes them silently & unconsciously wonder if they are valuable or even real – which affects self esteem. Treat them as equals who merely do not know the basic societal rules. Understand that while they may not share your experience, you may not share theirs, either. Respect them, and you’ll show what respect is and will NEVER have to unfairly & ridiculously demand it. Would you ignore and disrespect your closest friends as you might a child? Maybe you don’t have the time or patience? Yet you do with your friends or co-workers? Its not their fault that you brought them here. Be responsible for your actions. Their asking ‘why this’ and ‘why that’ all the time, might help you reassess your own reality if you’d only come back to the moment and pay attention to them. Remember… you’re not always the teacher, and they’re not always the student. The roles are interchangeable irrespective of physical size or ability.

When you become a parent, the unbiased point of view you once had when you weren’t a parent is now gone forever.  Just accept it. From now on you’ll be blinded by parental love when people try to tell you what you don’t want to hear or plainly can’t see about your child. Don’t complain about how difficult it is being a parent. Too late for that. Ask for help, and then let people help. It’s not a job you can just quit, is it?

Bringing another soul into this world is the highest, toughest, most challenging job any human could undertake. Treat it with the most serious respect, not some mysterious, “guess we’ll figure that out when we have to deal with it” attitude. Would you expect that from the president? What about the person building your car? Didn’t think so. Then you shouldn’t either as a parent because the job supersedes any presidency or ‘important’ job. Children look to you as their ‘god’ of sorts. Are you ready for that caliber of responsibility? What if your ‘god’ were careless and impatient with you?

Be truthful from the start. Is there a tooth fairy? Where do you think they get their first exposure to lying? Children learn what they live by your example (and society). Since you are now God to them, listen to them without playing little lying games with them. The world is exciting and fresh to them, don’t spoil that. They may have ideas that could revolutionize the world for all of us at any time. Encourage the silly ideas. Show them life is fun and playful, not dreadful, boring, and painful. Who would want that? So don’t have more children than you can LISTEN TO with QUALITY TIME. It takes more than a parent (or parents) to raise children. A community helps immensely. Find one.



"I now honor you, my young, inexperienced & small but equal, human being that I brought here to help grow and learn with. Tell me what YOU see that I have perhaps blindly overlooked because of my rigid & stale, outdated, personal history I need to get out from behind when I relate to you. Please accept my apologies for arrogantly disregarding your thoughts, ideas, or feelings as childishly stupid, unimportant, redundant and useless. In this age of new technolgies, I probably need to learn from you and hope I don't sound stupid when I ask questions over and over because I do not understand what you so easily do."

Let kids be kids. Stop telling them to grow up. You need to grow down to their level first – you’re the parent, remember? You brought them here. Help them by listening and NOT putting them down for their lack of life experience. It’s not fair. It does incredible and often irreparable damage and it will mostly likely come back to haunt you in defiant behavior. You’ve already, “been there, done that” for the most part… but times have changed. Accept their new world by asking questions with real interest. They will feel your sincerity if their feelings are still intact.

Quit yelling at them and hitting them! No excuses. Did you know that bullies come from the same place, kind children do? – their environment. If you’ve waited too long to create order or give clear guidelines, and have physically or verbally displayed your frustration with yourself onto them, YOU are the problem, NOT the child. You’ve merely suppressed your anger by not handling a situation and waiting until you’ve reached your emotional limit, and then lash out in frustration. Now you’re teaching them it’s ok to be verbally abusive and to hit things when all else fails, Einstein. Give them clear and distinct boundaries that are fair, with reasonable consequences… kind of like the rules you have in the workplace. It’s painful to discipline such a cute and adorable thing, yes, but you signed on for the job, and if you keep giving in to the child, you’ll end up raising an out of control beast that society will now have to tame – and it reflects back on you.

Be forewarned: If you don’t listen to your children, someone else will. It might not be someone you approve of. If no one listens to them, one day they will get your attention one way or the other. Why do you think music becomes more explicit as the years continue?

Your children have a life to live just like you. Let them live THEIR life, not yours with you as their coach. Show them how to live and express themselves positively. Again, if you can’t do the job, please do not irresponsibly bring them here; you’re making it difficult for the rest of us by doing so. Don’t wait months to have an abortion if you’ve unwillingly become pregnant. If you are a pro-life person, perhaps you can take care of the baby and show how pro life you really. If not, please carry on with your own life and don’t force your will on someone else, expecting them to do something you couldn’t or wouldn’t do first.

You’ll know when you’ve lost touch when you start complaining about, “kids these days!” That’s when you need to wake up and remember what it was like to be one.  Can you find the strength to go there?  Its not that difficult… unless you’re too lazy to do so.  You’ve been their age, they haven’t been yours – remember that.

If even considering parenthood, PLEASE think also of the eventual trying teenager and young adult you’ll have to deal with patiently, or forcefully (if you lack patience) not just the cute little, adorable, happy baby, the easily manipulated youngster, or the matured dividend/lottery ticket to your illusory happiness and/or retirement.

Insane Sanity

there is beauty inside,
from everything,
I hide.

tired and weak,
strength has gone,
all I can do is weep,
drift off into a deep sleep.

fear and anger,
grows like a cyst,
everything hidden,
forced out in the end,
we have no choice,
but to make it a dear friend.

you push me to the limit,
i want to shut down,
don’t worry,
i can swim,
and surely,
won’t ever drown.

i question…
the insaness of all sanity,
the profaneness of blind vanity.

is it mere words,
or intended vulgarity…?
only fools, separate similarity.

toughness and frailty,
determines direction,
of everyone’s reality.

the artist-
always sees;
the dancer-
moves  free;

the thinker-
liberates;
the poet-
deliberates;

the thief-
steals;
the slave-
kneels;
but a medicine man-
heals;

the craftsman-
he makes;
while the businessman-
takes;
all politicians-
fake;

the preacher-
he knows god;
could there be,
a bigger fraud?
so over coals,
he’ll be raked;
hearing his words preached,
he’ll face all those things,
they’ll eventually be reached…

but in the end,
you will see,
its easy my friend,
to just love
and set everything free.

Happy Economy

Here’s how to keep a good economy, flock, and customer: “Keep the sheep happy and they’ll do anything for you…”

Every ‘good’ and ‘successful’ politician, preacher, and businessperson clearly understands this.  But what about those who need to be ‘made happy’ all the time at any cost?  And how far can the truth bend before it becomes legal lying?

Sounds like some great exploitation in the making.  But legally, its ok, and for some reason prostitution (meeting a need) isn’t.  And those are the rules.  I’m not advocating prostitution, only using it to make a point.

It appears seducing the masses into serving the few still runs the world…  and if this is true, we still have light years until enlightenment.  History has taught us little if anything at all.  You sell (pimp) your body, mind, and talents for an agreed upon time frame and price schedule.  So, we’re all prostitutes… or pimps.  Isn’t that enlightening?

A little negative, you say?  Well, I could certainly agree with you and make you happy, too.  But if we look deeper, isn’t the ‘happy making’ a little too external and egocentric?  Meet a need, and make someone happy.  It doesn’t appear to matter what the need is, as long as it’s ‘legal’ as defined within the rules of humankind.

Whether or not a need is harmful to another is no one’s responsibility except for that individual.  If happiness comes from within, how then can doing anything for anyone externally, ever really cause another to be ‘happy’ or sad?  Meeting a need is merely meeting a need, period.  It has nothing to do with happiness, unless of course an external need is happiness.  Perhaps the perceived need, is a fleeting misclassified want.  But every great spiritual master has repeatedly warned about this very thing.  Still, it goes virtually unheard.  Funny, isn’t it?  Kind of, but not really…

finding happiness: its like looking for your eyes...

Maybe humans don’t want happiness.  Maybe we just want to meet needs (wants) for profit. We appear to enjoy greatly the experience of continuing all drama at the expense of anyone or anything for profit and loss.  And how much profit or loss is enough?  Well, that varies according to your level of happiness, right?  Prosperity is a wonderful thing.  Greed is beast of a master.

Our care for fellow humans, and ‘happy making’ is sadly enough, apparently based upon how it affects pocketbooks, and economies.  It has little to do with genuine happiness.  What is that anyway?

What about the a new ‘economy of happiness’ for human beings?  If that economy could be solved and balanced, every (perceived) problem could instantly and retroactively solve itself.

Try solving a problem between two people.  Not too difficult.  Now try solving a problem between 6.5 billion people.  Good luck.  Too many people = too many problems when people can’t critically think for themselves.  Solution: less people = less problems.  Simple isn’t it.  No one said it would be easy.

For economies to exist, one must thrive at the expense of another.  That’s supply and demand, economics 101.  Over time, what might be the end result of that?  And I’m not talking the average life span of a human adult kind of time.  If humans had longer life spans, we might also have longer spans of really caring when it comes to economics as well.

Using the same scenario of the 1983 Matthew Broderick ‘War Games’ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086567/), to make a point, its quite clear that economies would eat themselves without a real winner, and everyone a loser – no different than the movie’s ultimate World War III nuclear war calculation.  If one economy gets too powerful, it strangles the very system of economies that provide that one economy’s power.  Though it would take longer than a nuclear war, the result is still disaster.  There must be something outside of the present known global economic systems, past & present that is better.  So for now, the world is still economically flat.

How about another interesting item, not necessarily related, except that it wreaks of similar insanity no one appears to be aware of:

Is one human life so valuable that we need to deploy all means and expense to rescue and keep alive?  What if the person is a murderer, thief, or even worse – a politician or preacher?  Who deserves saving?  Consult the ‘rules’ for that answer.

Is it possible for us to carry this same attitude of deploying all means and expense to rescue humans in every waking moment of our lives for all things throughout everyday?  Or is it merely a ploy that we save for moments of opportunity to convince ourselves of how wonderful we are… or could be, when really, nothing could be further from the truth.

Maybe one day…

I think its more like, hurry up, let’s solve this crisis and show the world how caring we are so we can carry on the daily boring, ‘not caring’ after this crisis is finished.

Can we please just evolve a little more… so I can be happy? 

Tupahn!

Finally… A real musician:  Tupahn – http://www.tupahn.net/
An inspiring bio… my hats off !

This musical medium caught my attention one cloudy day in Boston this past June.  I was walking around, giving the body some needed exercise (on a writing break) in the Downtown Crossing / Government Center area.

Anyway, Tupahn’s music immediately pierced my soul like bullets through warm butter – the hair raised down my back!  I decided to sit and enjoy while observing the calming effect his music had on people.  It was great to see someone totally enjoying an opportunity to spread the love of music with such unique personal style, for the sheer joy (it appeared) of just doing it!  … yea, I was totally inspired!

Real music is expressed for the mere sake of how it makes one feel.  If an audience happens to enjoy that… then so be it!

Maybe One Day

I wish for a world where nothing is wasted,
Nothing is taken advantage of,
Where concern for others is real
Where more is no less,
And less is no more.
A place with no limelight,
No room for egos,
Where respect is not a relative term.

I wish for a world where gratitude rules,
Where nothing is a right,
And there are no expectations.
A place of constant arriving moments to infinity,
Where fear and lack are not in the plans,
And the ‘strong’ do not exploit the ‘weak.’
It’s finally understood,
That the strong,
Were always the incredibly weak.

I wish for a world of understanding,
Where lip service is no longer,
Where unselfish truth reigns,
And we no longer bargain ourselves,
Forgetting we are One…

I wish for a world,
Where we see each other in ourselves.
It’s a new beginning I see,
Can we go there now?
What are we waiting for?

She

who can teach,
this soul of a stubborn grain,
a chameleon of hope,
for a life without pain?

from the start
she made history,
in a world of her own,
things she will learn,
of nothing she was shown.

she grasps,
and holds,
then silently,
grows old.

she loves,
she hates,
and chooses
her every fate.

she lives,
and dies,
for what,
and why?

to hope
and pray,
to merely,
live her own way.

Self-Parenting 101

I don’t know who the author is of the following, but it is totally worthy of a post:

---

Now that you are an adult, you can be the parent to your child-self by giving yourself exactly what you need, first.

If you don’t learn how to fulfill your
Emotional Dependency Needs,
Then you’ll never feel safe, sane,
and secure in the world!

If you don’t expect emotional intimacy,
You are saying that…
“I’m OK with you being emotionally distant from me!”
And you’ll distance yourself for fear of rejection.

If you don’t demonstrate unconditional love…
for your Self,
You are showing people that
“I’m not worthy of receiving love,
Nor your benefit of the doubt!”

If you don’t demand respect,
You’ll give people permission to treat you disrespectfully!
For we teach people how to treat us
By the way we treat ourselves.

If you don’t use your adult powers,
You’ll fall prey to your own “child-like” ego defenses!
And the walls you build
Will keep out the love you seek.

If you don’t maturely defend your boundaries,
With your adult powers,
Then people will “trespass” you
Just like they did when you were a child!

If you don’t give your Self permission to be your true Self,
Then people will “mold you” into who they want you to be,
Taking you further from the light of the Self
And further into the darkness of your “persona” (mask).

If you don’t learn to validate and release your feelings,
Then your feelings will create dis-ease within you!
For a dis-ease is a perfect creation,
A negative feeling made manifest.

If you beat your Self up when you “act out”
With “less than perfect” behavior,
Then you are affirming that, “I am my behavior”
And not a child of God.

If you’re not willing to practice your Self-parenting skills,
Until they become a part of your consciousness,
Then when life “tests” you
You’ll attempt to protect your Self
Using immature, childlike methods!

If you don’t “respond with ability” to make your life,
Emotionally, sexually, and physically
Safe, Sane, and Secure,
Then you’ll live a life of “quiet desperation,”
Comfortable in your “uncomfortable-ness,”
And fearful of life’s opportunities.

(author unknown)

This is Me

Eyes on anything,
That I dare to see,
All alone I sit,
In a cocoon of sorts,
Emptying myself of me.

Riding on awareness,
With nothing to show,
It scares me shitless,
Sometimes, I just want to quit.

I sneak in your head,
And easily unthread,
Anything you only think you said.

Built a nice costume,
That even you can’t see,
But blame it on life…cuz
It’s easier, instead.

I’m just your mirror,
It’s you that you see,
But really…
I know you,
And just decided to play,
Another side of me.

The need to connect,
The need to express,
This is the stuff,
Of which I am made.

Add to this,
Simple appreciation of beauty,
With my own eyes to see,
And now you’ll see who I am.

Like you,
All I am wanting,
Is simply,
to be 100%  me…

Spider Buddies

Spiders:  the master creators… Wow, such patience and tact!

Gentle masters of creation...

As a child, I recall spending hours on end, any given summer day (when bored) throwing insects on local spider webs.  My little brother and I would get all excited at the prospect of finding ‘the coolest, baddest’ spider around!  Poor ants… we played god quite a bit back then.  Hope those ants can forgive us for that, but hey, no one was around to explain those things.  The nature of children is to explore… I guess.

Playing with the Spider

This is an actual photo of ONE of the many spiders around the house today.  Boy do they eat well and get fat quickly around here!  Found this one on the screen door looking at me the other day.  Check out that cool thread there… and the body design, too.  Humans aren’t born with cool designs… we get tattoos.

Although I’m not 12 yrs old anymore (questionable, I know), I still love watching the inherent web building talents of these peaceful & gentle creatures of incredible engineering ability.  But don’t piss them off, or they’ll show some of their other amazing talents.  I wonder how many webs they spin in a lifetime…

Speaking of tattoos, recently, I got this cool tattoo on my right shoulder of a spider and web, perfectly placed and sized, thanks to Tom Calcano of Masterpiece Tattoo & Body Piercing of Salem, NH.

After getting the spider tattoo, I searched online out of curiosity (prob should have done so first) for spider tattoo meanings and here’s some cool info:

Spider Tattoos: What do they mean?

I guess there a quite the amount of meanings… though I had my own – and that’s what counts anyway.

Symbolic of the creative ‘right’ side, it also depicts the creative right ‘piano hand’ I’ve developed over the years as well as the other creative writing abilities I’ve come to find within myself. C’mon spider… spin those webs now… and if it rains? Remember… “itsy, bitsy spider… went UP the water spout…”

Now I know why I like spiders… Creative things … I live for it!

Wake up for REAL This Time

I stayed up all night, one night, a few years back. Think it was the spring of 2006. I was living in Waynesboro, VA. Decided to play around with Windows Movie Maker for the first time and just couldn’t stop! I have those tendencies to get lost in creative endeavors and easily lose track of time. This is the result. The music and pictures are not mine. But the collaboration is.

You’ll either get this, or you won’t, but the idea is that we may have all forgotten how nature is a complex system that was here years before humans broke in on the scene and %#$@&’ed it all up with ridiculous ideologies, inconsistent with the fabric of a working ecosystem… we have forgotten where we came from, the blissful, innocent joys of intelligent ignorance and connectedness of all things, the simplicity of a life uncomplicated, the basics we we were taught by nature, in kindergarten, or in some cases, inherently known and understood, and why we are all here in the first place.

Things do get complicated rather quickly as we “Grow-up.” Yes, adults are complicated. Most of us never follow the rules anyway. So why bother teaching them in kindergarten or forcing them down people’s throats with a spoon full ‘o fear? Probably just because we’re supposed to. Double standards.

The starfish on the woman’s back later in this clip was the closest thing I could find to expressing that the woman’s womb is the doorway to this world we come to live in. The starfish symbolizes a connection to things beyond the stars. Wake up… and remember.

This “TEAMatrix.com” was a concept based on “The Matrix.” I enjoyed the Native American twist shown in the video much better than this limited and crazy network marketing business idea that was conjured up by my cousin and I. It was a little spooky, I’ve got to admit. Probably scared people more than anything… lol, but not lol.

This video was put together a few years back… 2005 or 2006. I was deeply in the process of figuring out what forgiveness really is while reorganizing my life due to most unbelievable family circumstances one might expect from a Jerry Springer show. I was in VA with my cousin doing who the hell knows what. Oh yeah, was supposed to be learning about how to do network marketing from a ‘respected’ N*****n leader.

Looking back, I’m ashamed of how unauthentic I became, trying to be someone other than myself. Unbeknown to anyone, it was a most difficult time in my life. I had no business being sidetracked with such things. But what is one to do? Can’t do nothing, can you? I might have even made this video after he left. Expecting me to win some network marketing game for him, I guess I really wasn’t a good race horse worthy to bet the farm on. Think we both learned some great lessons… And when things still didn’t change with the family, I repeated the lesson again a few years later in CA. Learning is fun. No one really gets hurt. Just Illusions.

It was during this time in my life that I became attracted to Native American music. I spent much time hiking trails on the Blue Ridge Pkwy, road biking the rural back-roads of Waynesboro, VA, swimming at the local YMCA, and learning to slow myself down in this turtle paced town.

Also had this most amazing experience with 4 deer (2 adult, 2 babies) while out hiking one summer afternoon. The deer all circled me with such amazing speed through the bush. It was surreal. I was almost able to feed one of the baby deer a grape after their little masquerade. Quite an interesting, healing and soul opening experience it was.

I also reluctantly began exploring the piano a little more again. One time, I woke up around 4am with a song (words too) that nearly played itself – it was very cool.

Life seems to be a process of doing all kinds of crazy stuff you really DON’T like, so you can eventually hone in on what it is you DO like. Of course parenting had something to do with it, but its all fixable. It’s all just water under a bridge…

Note: There is no more “TEAMatrix” website. It’s all just a memory now. It never really happened, did it?